Put Down the Anvil and Put Trust in Those You Lead
By Alison Wilcox, Crescent Leadership Collaborator
Earlier this year in April 2021, I hit a wall. For over a year I had been going on pure adrenaline as a nonprofit CEO, board member, and working mom, and I was left running on fumes.
My mental health counselor asked me to describe the sensations I was feeling. My shoulders clenched. I could feel heavy metal pushing down on my shoulders. An image came to me. I grasped to find the right word. “An anvil,” I said. “An anvil is around my neck.”
“Wow,” she said.
We both looked at each other on the video screen and started to laugh. Once I said it out loud, some of the weight of the world I was carrying melted away.
After our session, I realized that in the stress of 2020 and early 2021, I had forgotten my own leadership advice. I was going solo, thinking I had to have all the answers, forgetting I was part of a team.
I had already been planning to schedule listening sessions with my leadership team to check in with them, and I decided that this was the most important thing for me to prioritize, and to open the sessions up to the whole staff team - anyone who was interested in spending time with me, and sharing what was on their mind.
After just one session I knew this was the wisest use of my time.
I shared a post on LinkedIn to describe what I was feeling, and the responses told me I wasn’t the only one feeling this way. This is what I wrote:
“I've never found leading so hard. I feel privileged to be in a leadership role and grateful to be still employed at this time, and leading especially now is hard.
Organizations are about people. People are struggling. And we have to support our people to be able to accomplish the missions we set out to do.
I can barely keep up with my laundry let alone feel like I am doing enough to support our team through the different challenges they face.
So instead of sitting alone with the latest "10 things you must do or you’re doing it wrong” leadership article, I've been spending time in listening sessions with my staff team. Connecting 1:1 and hearing what they think is the best leadership advice.
What keeps them up at night? What are they excited about? What do they wish we could do differently? What could I and the organization do better to support them?
Not only am I learning and hearing great insights and direction, but it's also so nice to spend quality time with awesome people.
After an incredibly stressful year, I'm using this time to take a pause, connect, reset, and I'm realizing that I'm not in this alone.
If you sometimes feel you're not up to the task, or you are carrying the weight of the world, remember you're not alone.”
The responses from that post let me know that others were feeling similarly. That moment marked a turning point for me this year, professionally and personally. By giving up the mantle of “smartest person in the room”, a domino effect was unleashed.
#1—Empathy
I felt more connected to my team, which in turn made me feel less isolated. That brought some of my stress down. Being less isolated and less stressed helped me to listen better. By listening better, I became more empathetic and more willing to consider alternate points of view, especially when those ran counter to deeply held beliefs I had about leadership and productivity.
#2—Learning
It is a cliché to say that none of us are as smart as all of us, but it is also true. I was overwhelmed because I was worried I wasn’t doing enough, or doing the right things to help my team, and I thought I needed to have all the answers. The simplest way to find answers is by asking, and listening, and hearing from the people you are leading. The collective wisdom of each person who took the time to meet with me shaped the priorities for our organization.
#3—Trust
As I learned to be more vulnerable, and to ask for help, and to give more opportunities for leadership away to others instead of clinging to the work myself, my trust in the team grew even more.
#4—Balance
As I stopped centering on myself and trusted in the team around me, the weight began to tip back into balance. I had been working far too many hours, and my productivity wasn’t better because of it. This balance opened up space for me to regain a foothold back into my personal life.
My son was graduating from high school and I devoted time to savoring this transition in his life, being present for and with him, and also to what was next for me. I set an intention to write and to plan a trip to Scotland in 2022—a three-week vacation that would be the sabbatical I needed.
Since then, I wrote a chapter about courage which was published in a book, and launched my blog Birth of Adventure!
By creating space for myself, outside of work, I am able to be more purposeful, present, and empathetic with my team, and in turn do my best to advocate that they create space for themselves too. Our organization’s results continue to grow, demonstrating that holding tight and being stressed are not necessary ingredients for productivity.
I wanted to share this part of my leadership journey here because it is so closely aligned with the Leader-First philosophy.
Crescent Leadership promotes four important culture-building elements: Trust, Vitality, Parity, and Purpose. As a leader or aspiring leader, you have a burning need inside you to make a difference. To lead is to serve people. You can’t do it alone. Trusting in others, focusing on balance and vitality, collaborating, and finding your purpose, are all essential to leadership.
If you have gotten tired this year, you’re not alone, and if you’re like me and the last thing you want to do is read a “10 things you must do or you’re doing it wrong” leadership article, put down the anvil, reach out to the people on your team. Find out what they’re thinking, what they’re worried about, or excited about. Put the work down and get connected to what makes you excited in your own life. I look forward to hearing about your adventures!
Please join me over at my blog: www.birthofadventure.com